back - 2004-02-06 11:46 a.m. These last 5 years have been moving so fast that I didn’t realize where I am right now. I will be 29 this year. Next year, I’ll be 30. That’s T-H-I-R-T-Y. I should be successful by then. I should be financially free. But it doesn’t look like it. It still looks like I have to depend on others for money. I think that has a lot to do with the anxieties I had been experiencing the past month or so. After all, I don’t have a baby. Yet. I don’t have a steady unit trust thing going on. Yet. I don’t have my money working for me. Yet. I don’t think that I’ve done enough to secure my place after I die. Never will. I have to realize that I am not 25 or 26 any more. I have responsibilities and a future ahead of me. We’ve just sold our second car so that we could afford our monthly payments and renovations for our new apartment. Then, if god wills, I hope to have children and that means I need more money (not that I find children a burden – not at all - , but it’s a fact that children are expensive these days). Like my father always say – “Have a plan!” I was always against the idea of having a plan. That wasn’t as fun as doing everything spontaneous. There is no risk when you make decisions based on plans. But I wasn’t 29 then. As you get older, you tend to put everything in perspective relative to your friends or err, relatives. That’s how I gauge my life. But I think it’s time to stop doing that, and make them gauge everything against me instead. My wife always says that life is hard. I used to think that we, ourselves made it difficult by putting too much hope and ambitions in life. But lately, I think it’s actually beneficial to put high hopes because sometimes, that could be the driving force that can push me and make me better. Ah, crap…. That anxiety thing is starting again…